"The Original Whizzinator?"

This has to be my favourite 'steroids in sports' story so far. It was announced today that Minnesota Vikings running back Onterrio Smith, who has a history of violating the NFL's substance-abuse policy, was briefly detained by airport police last month after they found an elaborate kit used to beat drug tests.

Police at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport questioned Smith on April 21 after a search of his bag discovered vials of white powder. Smith told officers it was actually dried urine used for making a clean urine test. In addition, he had a bottle of pills labelled ''cleansing formula.''

He also had a device called ''The Original Whizzinator.'' Yes, that's right. The Whizzinator. What is this? Did K-Tel suddenly add a new product to their lineup of crap? How would that TV ad sound?

Man: I've got a urine test in half an hour and I'm loaded with juice. I'd love to take masking drugs, but who has time?

Man in Doctor's lab coat: Well, then. You need the Original Whizzinator by K-Tel!

Man: The Whizzinator?

Doc: That's right, Jose! The Original Whizzinator saves time and incarceration.

Man: How does it work?

Doc: Just add half a cup of water to our special dried urine powder, swish it through the Whizzinator, and voila! A clean urine specimen that smells April fresh.

Man: Thank you, Whizzinator. You sure are a "whiz' at this stuff!

Man and Doc: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Big Voice: The Original Whizzinator by K-Tel. Get yours today! Because it's only cheating if you get caught!

Fantasy Baseball Update

Here are each of the division leaders in the TGOR fantasy baseball leagues.

Division 1 : Who's Your Daddy 161.5
Division 2 : Antrim Bed Wetters 154.0
Division 3 : Fat Bat 154.0
Division 4 : NY Knights 155.0
Division 5 : Shnee Shna Shnappies 153.5
Division 6 : Bring Back the Spos 169.0 (currently first overall)
Division 7 : Sleeping with Bono 144.0